An apple a day.....

I'm having some issues with food. I don't know too many adult women who don't wish something different about their body, especially their weight.


Since I've had too much time on my hands this summer (see previous post about Job agony). Stacey hit it on the nail when she said job agony= life agony! I seem to be encountering news about "health" and "weight" every where I turn which is forcing me to come to terms with my reality.



I've known for a long time that I fall in to the "apple" category and not the "pear" category. It was solidified for me today when listening to that show "The Doctors". They showed two women's bodies; the pear woman carried her weight around her hips, butt, and thighs, the apple lady carried all her weight in her stomach. They asked which body shape was healthier- and yes it was the pear. They talked about BMI- and any BMI above 25 is considered overweight. I am hovering right around 28 right now. What's deceiving about BMIs is that its based on your weight and height, but it doesn't take into consideration your amount of muscle. A couple years ago (when I probably weighed five pounds less) I had a good go-around with my doctor telling her that I was healthier if my BMI was slightly above the magic 25 number because I lifted a lot and had a lot of muscle. One of the "doctors" mentioned that specifically today. So, okay if my BMI is a little high and I have a lot of muscle that's ok. But I know I'm overweight.

I put on between 3-5 lbs every year. I can't keep doing this.

Everything about being an apple is bad, bad, bad. Carrying all your weight around your middle leads to like everything bad imaginable.

Now the other problem is that I know I am fighting genetics. Remember my trip to the beach with my mom and sister, well seeing them in bathing suits is just a reminder that we are all "apples". My sister and I have rolls in the exact same places. My stomach has always been my "problem" area. I can remember all the way back to high school and early college when I was till pretty thin, that I never had washboard abs. Both my siblings have have issues with High Triglycerides, my brother is pre diabetic, and my sister just went on meds for high blood pressure. Probably at least in part to the fact that we are all apples.

I'm suddenly freaked

I've started tracking my calories on my Itouch. This has been very eye opening. It allows me to search restaurants and I'm pretty horrified to find out how many calories are in many things. Case in point- Panera. I'm a Panera junky, plain and simple. I usually eat their at least once a week. One of my favorite things to eat- a simple tuna fish sandwich. Guess how many calories in the tuna sandwich? 720.....720!!!! I'll be sticking with the half size choice when I eventually return there. (Seriously for the amount of time I spent there I'm surprised they haven't put out an A.P.B. looking for me!)

When I can follow a really strict plan, and basically always eat at home, I do ok. When I have to go out, it all falls apart. I have such issues with will power. It's the late at night that kills me. I have to turn often to gum to get me through the witching hours where for no reason I start to eat a whole box of croutons!

I've been avoiding going to the doctor, which isn't usually like me. I keep telling myself I want to lose some weight before I go so I don't get a lecture- but who am I kidding. I should just accept my fate and take my scolding. And if I get blood work done and I am meant to suffer the fates of my siblings maybe the truth of that will finally be the real wake-up call!

"The Job"

Did you ever get sick of talking about something? That's how I feel currently about the state of my "new" job.

Many of you are my real life/facebook friends so you were privy to the exciting news back in MARCH that I had applied for and got a new position. This position would be as the Project Director of a Federal Teaching American History Grant. I basically would be in charge of the programming to help improve the content knowledge of teachers of American History in Grades 3-5. As I was a History major in college, I am kind of an anomaly in the elementary school world. I never thought this awesome opportunity would pop up for me.

I was hesitant to apply initially for a bunch of reasons. I wasn't sure I was ready to leave the classroom for three years. Yes, it's a three year gig. I love teaching because I love the kids and this would be a lot of paper pushing, phone call making, etc. This past school year proved to be kind of tough, and since it was my tenth year teaching I thought maybe it was time for a change. By far the biggest reason I was unsure about the job was just that- the uncertainty of it. The grant application was due in March and I knew best case scenario we would hear by the beginning of June. Worst case scenario, it would be more like mid July. My district had previously applied for, and received, these million dollar grants two times. The one we have currently is more high school focused.

You see in my world the fourth graders learn that I'm their teacher at the end of the school year. Not to toot my horn or anything, I'm kind of a celebrity to these fourth graders after ten years. I've had everyone's siblings, I'm very friendly and know lots of their names and say hello to them around the building. The fourth graders start their "campaigning" for me usually at the end of May. (They have no say in anything, but it's pretty funny to see them try to get my attention and one's who have never spoken to me suddenly know my name.) I was not excited about the idea of lying to the kids that I would be their teacher, and then they would get a letter in the summer saying never mind. I was also not sure what parent reaction would be. Everything actually went fine, and several parents I knew told me how excited they were for me to have this opportunity. When the job came through, one of my teammates would take my job (we were four classrooms this year, but three next year). And if no job, that teammate will teach fourth grade. Are you seeing how complicated this is?

When I was away in early June, I got an email that the decision would hopefully come through around July 10th (which was weirdly a Saturday, but whatever). Ok- and the following week would be the 15th so mid July right? July 14th comes- new email from "insiders" who say now it's the end of July. Ugh....ok. One week after that, another email- beginning of August. Now all those involved, the grant writer, other director, etc say this is so strange, can't believe it. No, this is just What the Helen.....

So it's July 26th- and I'm still waiting. I really thought my summer would start when I knew which job I would be doing. Now I just kind of feel like my summer is gone and I've spent it with a knot in my stomach:( I honestly don't care which way it goes anymore, I just need to know! My teammate deserves to know what grade she's teaching, my students deserve to know who will be their teacher and someone might need to be hired at the last minute and that never works well!

So please cross your fingers for me that this is all resolved soon because I can't take too much more of this!

Conversations heard at the beach

My lazy, crazy summer continues. I owe you all a post of the misery that is the status of my supposed fancy new job- but do you ever find that you just don't want to talk about something anymore (or definitely type out all of your mixed up feelings about it!). But I promise that will be the topic that is conquered soon.

First a trip to the beach.....

I'm not a huge beach goer. I'm not really a sun worshipper (although I have found more enjoyment over the last few years) and this isn't that surprising if you know me well enough to know the fairness of my skin, and my propensity to burn:( I loved the beach as a kid, what kid doesn't, right. I live moderately close to beaches- 45 minutes or so. I hate packing up all the gear that you will need, I hate sitting in traffic, I hate sand in your shoes or stuck all over your body. I especially hate having black blotchy marks all over my hands and legs courtesy of deadly combination of sun tan lotion and an US Weekly. (does this happen to anyone else?)

My family are big beach goers, especially my mom and my sister. In the summer, my sister and I look like we could be two different races based on the level of our tans. I always attribute the others love for the beach over mine due to how our childhood summers were spent. You see, in my family we measure time BH or AH; Before Helen and After Helen. I am the much youngest in my family and in some ways my siblings had very different experiences then I did. My grandfather owned a chain of Five and Dime stores, and the last one that they owned was at Hampton Beach in New Hampshire. My parents would spend every summer living there with my grandmother, working at the store and my siblings frolicked on the beach. The store was sold the summer before I was born. As a kid, I spent every day (of the week) at day camp in the local state forest. Spending every summer from age 5-18, then 20-23 at this camp made a big impact on my life and I wouldn't trade it for anything. My beach experiences were contained to weekend jaunts an occasional rental cottage.

Needless to say, my mom and sister love to go off to the beach and I am always welcome. I'm not usually interested for many of the reasons that I listed above. This past week I decided to make my once a summer pilgrimage with them. All of the things listed above happened and it was also a pretty windy/cloudy day.

We ended up sitting fairly close to some others who were behind us. Two loud mouthed blonds....very quickly I ascertained at least one was a teacher. Ahh....my people, but by what she was saying she's the kind who gives the rest of us a bad name. Now, I admit I really enjoy listening to other people's conversations (beware if you're around me), but these two gave you no choice but to listen. My sister and I rolled our eyes at each other many times. They were reading and discussing all sorts of pop culture information, which ordinarily I would have been fine with but their People magazines were months old- not acceptable.

A great discussion ensued about the Sandra Bullock cover with her new cherub Louis. One of the ladies asked the other, "what country did she adopt him from?". I'm not kidding- I almost fell out of my chair. Louisiana is a lovely country....

Now there is a punch line to the story- email me or Facebook if you want to hear it!

R.I.P.

I plan to honor Theresa's request and cover all the proposed topics, but the spirit of blogging is to discuss what is relevant in your life at the moment, right. So, I will first go with the drama of yesterday.

I have a really hard time sleeping. I am so jealous of those people who are very sound sleepers. My sister for one says to me, "as soon as my head hits the pillow I fall right to sleep". Yeah, well that's not me. I don't remember having tons of sleep issues pre-college, but adjusting to the noise of the dorm was really tough on me. I'm also someone who's mind races if I'm not tired enough to fall asleep. In college I quickly found love for a small fan; the cool breeze on me year round, and the beloved white noise that it created. That fan burned out in my junior year and I remember a humorous trip to Home Depot in the middle of the winter of 1998 trying to to purchase a new fan. That fan is still kicking.

Four years ago I moved to my new condo. Part of me knew there could be trouble because this place was basically on the second floor with someone else above me. This person has no rugs and is a stomper. Very quickly I went to Sharper Image to find a noise machine. It was love at first listen. This machine had all sorts of harmonious sounds; like Everglades, Rain, Summer Night, and Surf's Up. My only sound of choice- white noise. Oh, how I love white noise. In the summer I love that I get to have the fan, the noise machine, and the air conditioner. When the power goes out in the middle of the night, I immediately wake up because all of these go off, and along with the beep of my charging cell phone, and I feel like I am on many life support machines that are being shut down!

I've often joked that I should work for Consumer Reports. I'm kind of "tough" on my things, so that if they can survive me, they can survive anything. My beloved machine has traveled with me and there may have been some bumping, dropping, etc. It has the option to run on batteries, but I realized quickly that I would be sucking those puppies dry pretty quick in order to run the machine all night, every night. I had to buy a separate 12 V adapter- which is GIGANTIC, and weighs like five pounds.

I've had a busy few weeks and the machine has been many places with me. Our first morning back on our bed, around 6 a.m., the machine just went off. I reached for the button- nothing. Later in the day, I unplugged it, gave it a rest, and it resuscitated briefly. Now- nothing again. I'm off to Bed, Bath, and Beyond to see if I can find a replacement.

So, rest in peace my beloved noise machine. I wish we had had many more years together but you've been a great friend:)

"So much to say, so much to say, so much to say"

In the words of Dave Matthews.....

So have you totally forgotten about me! Did you know that this blog even still existed? Well it does- and since Lost is over I have some defnitely blog things to sort through!

I have several topics I would like to share with you my wide viewership (ha!) and I'm going to give you a choice about which topic you would like to hear about first.

1. My exhausting end of the school year/still waiting in job limbo agony

2. My recent road trip (In the past two weeks I've slept in five different beds- I'm so ready to be home!)

3. Russian Spy scandal- I have so many thoughts on this hillarity

4. The death of Reality TV

So please comment below and let me know which topic to start with!

Cheers!